Last week I posted an Instagram Reel and it got spectacular outward success.
It got me 10 times the number of likes a post of mine normally gets. It got me 20 times the number of saves a post of mine normally gets.
This was fun. And unexpected.
Unexpected (often) = unfamiliar.
And unfamiliar (often) = uncomfortable.Â
So, I was slightly uncomfortable.
And when I noticed I was slightly uncomfortable, that was fine. I know enough that nothing has gone wrong. Our brain is supposed to notice the unfamiliar.
But then, I realised I wanted to move beyond uncomfortable...
And here’s how I did that:
FIRST: I allowed myself to SIT IN NOT KNOWING.Â
Literally — I allowed myself to sit in the space of zoning out. Dissociation. Which is what sometimes happens when I can’t (or don’t want to) take things in.Â
SECOND: I stayed in this state for a while. Almost to check on how I was doing. Was there any fluctuation? Not so much. Just a sense of not really wanting to come back down to earth…Â
THIRD: I didn’t make this mean there was anything wrong with me.
This is hard, at first. Especially if there’s someone else in the room with you, and you’re acutely aware you’re acting ‘strangely’ in front of them. But, you can explain. You can explain, as best you can, imperfectly with words, that you are in a mild dissociative state and that there’s nothing to be alarmed about; you just need a moment (or a while) to process.
FOURTH: I finally decided I didn’t want to be in that state forever. It was both compelling (always is), and somewhat boring. So… I had to make a bit of an effort.
I wanted — and decided — to move into what some of us might call ‘groundedness.’ Others might call it embodiment. For me, it's simply the process of reconnecting with the sensations in my body. It is about ‘coming down’ from the light-headedness, and down into bodily awareness.
In this particular case I was lucky! I had someone to snuggle up with — and human contact with someone you feel safe with, helps enormously.Â
However, if they hadn’t been there, I’d have done any number of things to help me feel more grounded. Touch. (Whatever feels good to you. Softness, roughness, coldness, smoothness, etc.) Movement. Sensation. Stroking my cat. Going for a walk. Dancing. Breathing slow. Showering. Standing in the cold air.
So, that was dealing with the temporary discomfort. I relaxed again. I went to sleep…
And then, the next day I decided to ‘regroup’ and find out what was sparking the discomfort.
Dealing with DISCOMFORT, PART TWO:
Now, sometimes you just ask your brain directly and it gives you the answer. Other times you need to take a more circuitous route.
Maybe you need to write. Journal. Listen to birdsong. Read poetry. Spend time in nature. Whatever you know brings you insight.
In my case, it was listening to a conversation on a podcast. That sparked what I wanted to know.
What helped me to know was:
I can feel Disappointment.
That’s it. Simple, right?
But there’s a difference between entertaining this as an idea in your head, and living with the recognition in your body.
May, be simple. But not necessarily easy. (In my case, hard-won!)
So, all I needed to know was I could feel disappointment.
Whatever happens.
Because, let’s face it, I knew (was fairly sure) the next reel wasn’t going to get the same numbers.
And intellectually I was fine with that.
But maybe part of me didn’t know what was going to happen. And maybe that part was scared. That’s normal.
All I needed to know was, I was okay. (PS. That’s often the answer we’re looking for!)
And in this case, all I need to know was that I could survive being disappointed.
Which meant feeling that knowledge I would be okay.
Isn’t that just wonderful?
Anyway, a few days later I posted another reel. It got the same number of likes and saves as my usual posts do. No big blow-up.
And I was fine. No big deal.
What’s easily missed in this story is how easy it was for me to just go ahead and make the next reel. It wasn’t a big deal because I didn’t feel any resistance. I didn’t have the spectre of the unknown — potential disappointment 👻 — looming over me.
Now… if you’re wondering what my point is in all of this…
My point is, dealing with discomfort, and disappointments, looks like THIS.
I’ve just given a blow-by-blow account (kinda) of what’s involved in processing those little perturbations, that often bother you, and in many cases can hold you back from doing what’s important to you.
It’s nothing fancy. But it is practice. And it’s the practice that allows us to continue. With the project. With the activity. That means so much to us. That allows us to spark, and create, and add meaning.
So here’s a final thing I want to offer. All those little practices, all those little rituals — If they help, they help. If they help you move through with grace and compassion and support you in however you need to be supported, honour them. Honour yourself.
Be intentional in your practice.
Love,
Kathryn
PS. I like you
Are you an over-thinker? Would you identify as someone who is self-critical?
If so, chances are you absolutely HATE the thought of being disappointed! I speak as someone who has, traditionally, been deeply, deeply scared of disappointment. And someone who used to be an extreme self-critic and over-thinker — but who now no longer identifies with being either.
Part of the reason I share my story with you is to show you that moving through disappointment (or even anticipatory disappointment!) is not a mystical process. It’s doable — and practical.
Now, your process might not be the exact same as mine; but it will share elements. And learning these elements for yourself — having your own tools and practices — is one of the keys to help you move through discomfort in a way that feels compassionate. (As opposed to completely draining!)
You don’t need to work it all out on your own. You can have help. You’re allowed to practise, and deepen into practice, on your own terms.Â
If you want to work through all the fears that are holding you back from creating what you want to create, book a consultation. Or find out more about working with me here.
So true, often when we get good news our brain automatically jumps to fear/disappointment. I've been asked to appear on more podcasts lately, but after each request comes in, it can be immediately followed by, what if they change their minds? What if I'm not articulate on the day? What if it gets cancelled? I realised last year that all of this could still be true, the next post could tank or the podcast host could cancel me, but that doesn't need to take away from the fact that when I get that good news, I can enjoy it fully. If it doesn't work out, who cares? It was exciting and lovely to be asked, and now I can finally allow myself to feel it, without the worry of it going wrong.