Adjustment period
Not getting 'back into the swing of things'
Hello!
So, I went on holiday. (And it was great. So good ðŸ˜1 )
But the thing about going on holiday — at least, for me — is…
I forget everything I’m supposed to be doing when I get back into 'the real world.'
I forget how to adult. I forget that I need to 'make a living.'
Part of me is worried I sound a bit of a spoiled brat — because, ‘woe is me, I went on an amazing holiday and now I have to return to what my life was like before!’
But I also think we need to acknowledge and remind ourselves that transitions; whether it’s coming back from holiday, starting your new (or current) job, or just moving from one season to another… take time.
They take adjustment.
Adjustment periods are a thing. And giving ourselves time and grace to adjust, is a kind thing.
(And no, there is no set deadline for adjustment periods. 'Three days and then I have to be back to normal' is not a 'kind thing.' 😛 )
One of my very wise clients is now in the habit of giving themselves adjustment periods — for both major things that happen in life, but also the 'everyday.'
'Everyday' things can be like spending the day with friends, and then knowing you need a period of decompression time afterwards. Things we might consider 'normal' and not out of the ordinary, but still take time to adjust to.
(Things we might chastise ourselves for needing any adjustment period at all… and then realise that actually, we’re a sensitive human being, and it’s not a weakness to need time to process and adjust to our experience.)
Adjustment periods are unique to the individual and situation. There’s no set rule on how long they must take or what they must look like.
It’s not that we need to down tools completely, either. The main thing we need to do is acknowledge where we are, right now.
It can be our default to think we need to 'get back to normal,' as quickly as possible. We might feel pressure to 'get back into the swing of things.'
But, (at the risk of stating the obvious…) you’re not a car.
You’re not a machine with an engine that needs to take you from 0 to 60 in 3 seconds. (Or whatever people think is sexy in acceleration terms.)
You’re an animal. An animal that moves at a variable pace.
In the first few days of being back, I could tell I was anxious. So I sat on the carpet and asked myself, 'What am I thinking?' What was the predominant thought going on in my mind?
"I don’t know what I’m doing."
I don’t know what I’m doing. Okay. Let’s lean back. (Literally.)
I don’t know what I’m doing.
That’s okay. I don’t need to know every thing.
Giving ourselves permission to be where we are is often the first thing that helps us relax.
From here, it doesn’t have to be 'I need to be back to normal, immediately.'
From here, it doesn’t need to be 'I have to fix everything, now, at once.'
It can be, 'I can start …here.'
'I can do …this.'
When I no longer have to be 'back in the swing of things' I can relax. And I can adjust. I acknowledge my pace is different — to other’s, and to my own pace in the past.
When I no longer have to be back in the swing of things, I no longer have to be 'there.'
I am here. I have options.
Much love,
Kathryn
PS. At some point later this month I will be moving this newsletter over to email. (By which I mean I’ll be moving over from Substack to an email platform like ConvertKit or Mailchimp.) The reason is simple. I don’t actually like sending 'newsletters.' I like sending email. The difference might at first appear semantic, but to me it’s a difference in purpose. I am not a writer first and foremost. I don’t want to write essays or articles. I just want to write emails and other communications to people.
I don’t know exactly when this transition will happen, but I plan on doing over the next few weeks. So if you get an email from me that isn’t from Substack… that’s why! You don’t need to do anything — I’ll import anyone who is subscribed to this newsletter over to my email list. (You are, of course, free to unsubscribe at any point, as per any regular email list. I do hope you’ll stick around though :) )
One of the highlights of my trip was meeting my nephew in person for the first time. Here’s a pic of him with my brother at teamLab Borderless in Tokyo 💛
