"Why am I struggling with something that appears to be so little?"
Ever have that question? đ€
Do you ever find you struggle with things that should be seemingly ânot that difficult?â
Do you ever find yourself wondering, âWhy is this so hard? Why is this such a struggle? Why am I over-reacting this way?â
This was me for a lot of February. Although, I didnât actually question it nearly as much as past-me would have.
Because, although it was tumultuous, and I didnât feel clear at the time, I also kind of knew what was happening.
I knew I was having a bodily response.
I knew I was responding to situations, revelations, and the environment that is February in Scotland, and it was taking a lot of energy to process that.
Just because it might take other people less energy to process the same thing, it doesnât make you weak for taking the time and energy you need.
If you are sensitive â like a lot of people I know â you take a long time to process things. (You absorb a lot, you take on a lot, you filter a lot. Itâs⊠excuse me for being repetitive⊠a lot.)
If you have a brain that makes a lot of connections all at once, your processing isnât limited to the thing thatâs happening right now. Quite likely, when youâre processing one thing, youâre processing many things.Â
That takes a lot of energy. And, depending on the situation, it can be a huge tax on our nervous system.
The last thing we need is to be told weâre wrong; for taking the time that we need or responding in the way that we do.
Depending on your environment, you may see a lot of examples of people doing it differently. You may see a lot of examples of people âholding it together,â and âdoing a lot more in lifeâ than you can do right now.
Respectfully, you have no idea whatâs going on in their heads.Â
And even so, weâre not the same.
We havenât had the same history. We havenât had the same upbringing. We donât have the exact same biology.Â
I have struggled to want to do any sort of communication this February.Â
I have coaxed myself into some social situations, and have turned down others. I have definitely wanted to do as little external communication in my business as possible.
This isnât ideal for running a business. But also, if thatâs what I focused on â and the âfactâ that I was LOSING MONEY, falling behind, etc etc. â my nervous system would be in an even worse place!
My position comes with a lot of privilege. I have a place to live, Iâm not going to get kicked out. I can afford to have slow months in my business.Â
And itâs up to me to remind me of that position, and not be too hard on myself when I feel like itâs falling apart (even though I know that it isnât).
Why do we struggle more than some people when it comes to seemingly trivial things?
Because often they arenât trivial!
If you get a new job â the one that youâve been wanting for years â and you find yourself freaking out â even though itâs a happy thing, even though you wanted it â there is nothing wrong with your nervous system.
If you find the constant wind in January and February frazzles your nerves, there is nothing wrong with your nervous system. (You might be lacking in vitamins and minerals, I donât know đ€·đ»ââïž But there is nothing inherently wrong with a nervous system that is sensitive to sound and/or the feeling of wind.)
If you find a cumulation of social situations reallllly drains your battery, there is nothing wrong with you.
But you do have to be mindful of your environment. And accept that when you have a response that feels like itâs disproportionate or âstruggling,â then maybe you donât always thrive in that environment.Â
To be clear, just because you donât always thrive in an environment, doesnât mean itâs a no-go. I will wilt at a party of more than four hours. But I can be a delight if Iâm there for two.
Those few extra hours are the difference between thriving and me trying to survive ;)
The difference can be that dramatic when you have a lot of things to process!Â
So all this is to say, if you struggle with things that are seemingly ânot that big a deal,â or ânot that difficult for other people,â I hate to say it, but stop comparing yourself to those other people đ
Do you want to be them? Honestly?Â
Do you want to be all of their quirks? And their personality?Â
You can definitely spend time wishing you were other people. Thatâs a perfectly legitimate pastime.Â
Or you could work out whatâs good about you.Â
Caveat: this is hard to do when youâre deep in the river of misery and canât see any of your admirable traits. Which is why you should practise all the time: reminding yourself why youâre so great â and also some good old fashioned acceptance :)
Those habits of liking yourself will stand you in good stead for when your mind has conveniently forgotten all the good things about you.Â
(And if you need some reminding, message a friend. They will only be too happy to remind you how awesome you are. You donât need to be believe what they tell you. You just need to remind yourself you have someone who believes in you.)
Anyway, that was my February. How was yours? Donât know about you, but I am very much looking forward to the new month :)
Much love,
KathrynÂ
PS. If you are coming out of February like I am (more energised? More âready for lifeâ again?) and are seeking help with making a change, please allow me to point you in the direction of my coaching package: over here >
If you want to create a change in your work or life this year, but donât quite know what that is, but you know you donât want to do it alone, talking it through with a coach might be helpful.
We all appreciated an article we saw on Facebook, originally published on Medium by Kate Scott. When she was overwhelmed and depressed, her therapist recommended she run the dishwasher twice (because with her inefficient dishwasher once wasn't enough and she had been putting off running it at all, since the dishes required a preliminary scrubbing for which she didn't have the energy.) Ms Scott decided to challenge other assumptions; she took a shower lying down, then folded her laundry and stuffed it anywhere it would fit. "There are no rules." Later, when she was doing better, she went back to the standard ways of doing things. This works best if you don't continue to compare yourself to others for whom those things are easy, or let them compare you to themselves. If you do, these well-meaning people are likely to suggest a book or course that will teach you how to do things the proper way. We already know the proper way - we're just having a hard time getting up enough energy to do it.