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"I don’t know what to do" is a familiar thought for a lot of us. Particularly when things feel difficult.
This thought can be very frustrating. But it can also be kind of comforting.
Here’s what I mean:
"I don’t know what to do," for some of us, can feel a whole lot easier—and more comfortable—than "I know exactly what to do, and yet I’m still not doing it."
"I don’t know what to do" means we don’t need to take the next step.
"I don’t know what to do" absolves us of responsibility. (Or blame!)
(Because who can blame you if you don’t know what to do??)
If you don’t know what to do, nothing has gone wrong.
But one thing you can do, to gently move yourself from a place of stuckness, is ask yourself what thoughts might be underneath that one.
For example, sometimes we tell ourselves we don’t know what to do, when the thoughts underneath might be, "There’s a LOT to do here, it feels rather overwhelming!" or "This is going to be so difficult! Is there not something easier I could do instead??"
On first glance, these thoughts might not seem any more helpful. But what they do is tell you the reason ‘you don’t know what to do’. They tell you your brain thinks the task is difficult and unwieldy. They probably tell you the task is undefined.
These types of thoughts happen when the steps between our initial idea and completion are fuzzy. Or just very, very big.
When the distance between idea and completion feels enormous, our brains often tell us it’s too much.
So, here’s a few things you can do about that:
1) If you know the process in your head, break it down onto paper. Identify which parts of the process feel ‘too much,’ and then see if you can break them down further.
I know this sounds like the oldest advice in the book. But it really does help. Because breaking down the steps helps us imagine, or place ourselves in the thought of, actually doing the thing and getting it done.
Most of us actually like the sense of completion. So the trick is to find all the points (in the process) where your brain can get that feeling.
2) Identify as many steps of completion as possible. And then pick a number that will give you both a sense of satisfaction, without it feeling like much of a challenge.
The reason for this is you want it to feel doable. You don’t want it to feel overwhelming. You want it to feel easy enough that there’s little resistance — but if you can, complete a number of steps that also gives you a sense of “I did that!”
3) And don’t forget to actually acknowledge you did it 😉
Just because it’s a 'small step' doesn’t mean it counts any less. You literally put it on your to-do list. So count it once you’ve done it!
PS. If you don’t know the process involved… ask yourself what could be involved.
Have you literally never done the process before? If not, then have a guess. Or ask someone.
Or have you done it before, but have forgotten? That happens. But again, have a guess. Or ask someone.
Your guess is always going to get you further than “I don’t know anything.”
And if you find yourself at a step you can’t control…
e.g. maybe you need information or an action from someone before you can proceed… then make that task as easy and doable as possible.
For example:
-- pick a moment where you feel energised
-- write down thoughts that remind you WHY you’re doing this.
-- remind yourself what you gain from this. Write down the prompt, "What am I getting from this?" And then make yourself answer. Even if the answer is simply, "a feeling of satisfaction," that’s perfect :)
All of these actions and thoughts will support you in knowing what to do. They will help you move from the place of "I have no idea," to "Maybe I do have an idea."
And that is enough. To get started.
As one of my clients said the other day, “Anything I do is useful.”
I love that thought — and you can always use it to remind yourself:
You know more than you think.
You are infinitely creative.
In many ways, we are all just beginning. 🌿
Love
Kathryn
PS. I like you
Album rec of the week: KIWANUKA. This is not new, but in case you haven’t given it a listen… Spotify link / Apple Music link.
PPS. Ready to take the next steps in your business or creative practice?
I help creatives who are struggling with self-doubt, self-worth, inner-critics, and all the thoughts and feelings that come up when we try to make our dreams happen.
Nothing has gone wrong. You are very human. But it can also help to take a closer look at what is going on; because developing a more nuanced, loving relationship with yourself and your thoughts and feelings… is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself; and your work.
This is all possible and—dare I say it—kind of fun!
Discover what coaching is like with me ✨ :) Either book a discovery call or find out more about my coaching on my website.