Three habits that supported me and my clients this year
Not always easily done, but well worth it
Okay, so last newsletter I talked about how my clients had inspired me this year…
Now I’m going to talk about three excellent habits that supported them — and me — throughout the year.
1. Starting with the smallest thing.
When they had to do a task, and were feeling the resistance big time, they broke it down to the very smallest components — and started there.
If you need to do a drawing, but need to print out a reference image first, your first step is: get the printer out from underneath the bed.
If you want to run a workshop, you think of the very first next step you could do, and you do it.
If you want to do your painting, you go the kitchen, fill your jar with water, bring it back to the table, and pick up the paintbrush and start painting.
If you want to start running, you put your shoes on. Don’t think any further. Your body will know what to do.
And when you hit a road block, no problem. Start again, with the smallest component.
Your brain doesn’t want to think it’s that simple. (Believe me, I know — my brain never wanted to believe it was simple.)
Because if it was that simple… you’ve been duping yourself this entire time. 🤐
So, you have a choice:
Continue to believe it’s not simple. It’s complex and unfigureoutable, and it’s very difficult.
Or, ask yourself if it could be simple. Start with small, and keep going. (Or don’t. Start, stop, start again. That’s also fine too!)
Check in with your body about how you feel about the two choices. One isn’t ‘correct’ and one isn’t wrong. Choose the one that feels suitable for you at this moment in time.
Sometimes that’s 👆 the first step.
2. After taking action, note it down.
A classic conundrum is a never-ending to-do list.
But what about your ‘done list’?
You might have a daily or weekly to-do list, where you cross things off and get the satisfaction of seeing a whole load of things completed.
But I’m guessing most of us throw this away, never to look at it again.
Mistake!
Because now your brain has had a momentary hit of satisfaction, and is looking forward to the next thing.
…the next thing on your never-ending pile of to-do tasks.
The ‘done’ pile is almost non-existent. Or it feels tiny in comparison to the ‘still to do’ pile.
One of the things I challenged some clients to do this year was write down what they were doing, as they were doing it.
Practically speaking, I encouraged them to write it down as soon as they could, which was often later that day or the day after. (Tip: Do not wait too long to note down what you’ve done; you won’t remember weeks from now!)
I asked them to keep a Progress Document.
In which they wrote down:
Actions (things you did)
Thoughts you were thinking at the time that supported you, or were helpful
Things you learned
Results
The point of this document is to reinforce learning, and reinforce the idea you have in your mind about yourself, as someone who takes action.
The point of the progress document is that it creates a ‘done list.’ And not only that, ‘here’s what I learned along the way’ — which is super helpful when you want to go back and reference what you did!
I’m going to be honest: you don’t need to do this for very long before you start seeing progress.
You also probably won’t keep it up for very long. (Not the first time you try it, anyway.)
That’s because our brains aren’t used to looking at our work this way. Systematic reflection and evaluation is not something we tend to do naturally.
However, it’s a habit worth trying. And it’s something you might want to dip in and out of.
A lot of people I know write ‘morning pages,’ or journal.
This is just a different habit. A way of looking back, when all our mind wants to do is tell us how extremely far we have to go.
Like all reflective practices, it’s a way of shifting your perspective. And that’s a habit I know will serve you and me well, when we’re lost in the muddle of confusion.
3. Speaking to the parts of you that are hurting, with kindness and compassion.
This is easier said than done. That’s why it’s a habit to be practised.
But it’s hard to overstate how helpful it is, when you’re not beating yourself up for your mistakes or your failures.
It’s hard to overstate how much it changes your everyday life when you are no longer carrying around the sense that you are uniquely flawed.
Now, I don’t want to say that ‘kindness and compassion’ is a state you achieve, and ‘you either have it or you don’t.’
Because it’s not that way. You will always feel times of hurt, and you will always feel times of worry.
But during these times, we can give ourselves kindness. We can practise a way of being that alleviates our hurting.
We can relate to, and speak to, the parts of us that are afraid of failure. We can listen to the parts that are afraid of looking stupid. We can comfort the parts that are afraid we’ll be rejected.
We can bring them with us. We can envelope them in love.
And that means they’re not fighting us so hard when it comes to doing the big scary thing. We acknowledge the risks they perceive, and instead of poo-poohing them, we say:
Yes, this is a risk. I see you and I hear you. But let’s do this together. I will not shame myself for being scared. I will not shame myself for having feelings. I am a person and I am all of me. And that is okay.
None of these habits are easy to begin with.
But none of them have to be done perfectly, 100% of the time to be helpful, either 💛
Much love,
Kathryn
PS. If you’d like to work together in 2024, I invite you to book a free call to discuss it here. I work with creatives and people going through transitions — whether that’s in life, work or business — and I teach people to find their own answers.
Coaching is a very particular kind of support, so if you’d like find out what coaching could be like, I invite you to schedule a call. It’s free and will be helpful if you’re searching for clarity. PS. you can also find out more about coaching on my website here :)