Hello āØ
Do you find that certain seasons take more energy? Do you find that certain seasons make you want to retract, like a turtle withdrawing into its shell??
Autumn is like that for me. Autumn brings a change of light āup hereā in Scotland. And that affects me far more than I like to give it credit for.
Whenever the light starts to change ā both in spring and autumn ā I find everything takes longer. I take longer to get up in the morning and get going; I take longer to recover from setbacks. Every wobble feels like a disaster!
Iām sensitive in autumn. My senses feel raw.Ā
In the UK at least, the beginning of autumn is often associated with a āback to schoolā energy. Which means plans and actions. But for me, I feel slightly disjointed. I begin to imagine myself hibernating.
One nice thing about autumn is that itās predictable. It comes around every year. And although itās taken me time to notice, Iām no longer caught completely off guard when I start feeling morose and sensitive to everything.
We are all influenced by cycles. We live in various cycles throughout our lives. We cannot always predict them. We may not always choose them. But the more we pay attention, the more we might be able to move with them, rather than against them.
What cycles are influencing you right now?
What cycles might you be not so aware of, but could be subtly (or not so subtly) influencing your behaviour or energy?
This is all just information. Information for you to sit with, and relate to, perhaps āØ
I titled this newsletter rhythms for autumn, but thatās just because I like being tongue in cheek ;)
In reality, nothing feels like a regular rhythm. Iām not disciplined enough to have rituals; and I resent the portrayals of autumn as romantic, with all the fairy lights and candles. (My inner voice becomes a total grinch this time of year!)
Instead, I have coping strategies. (How capitalist of me.) I am kind to myself and I move through it.
Donāt have great expectations is one of my unofficial mantras for autumn.Ā
So if you find yourself similarly seasonably compromised, here are some suggestions for coping:
Acceptance: Limitations are not weakness.Ā
This is one to remember and come back to often. We all have limits. We do well to know where ours are, so we can then work with them.
However, itās hard to know our limits in a culture that tells us not to have them, or to push through them. Most people I know understand this, but itās still a scary thing to actually find and explore them.
Itās never going to be an exact science. Think of it (being with your limits) as a relationship. You have to get to know them. You have to be in a position to listen, and you also have to respect them. They are not your weakness; they will support you, through this season and the next.
Be aware of your default coping mechanisms, and when they may not always be so helpful for you.
This is mine: I retreat. I withdraw into my own little (big) world of nothingness.
This is great, in small doses. But over time I feel more and more disconnected. And the thing is, when youāre disconnected, the last thing you want to do is make the gargantuan effort ofā¦ well, anything really.
So if you know this about yourself, be aware! Thereās nothing wrong or bad about it; itās just your habit ā your coping mechanism. But find other supportive practices to balance it.Ā
If you are in you head (which most of us are wont to do), find the things that bring you out of it.
I speak to people. I ask them to talk at me, tell me about their day. I involve myself in low stakes conversations, that remind me I know how to be human. (I told you it was low expectations season.)
And then finally, you know whatās comingā¦
Be very loving and accepting of yourself, even in your own grumpiness.
Accept you are going to feel very up and down and not every interaction is going to go well, and sometimes youāll lose your sh*t, and a lot of things will feel like an overreaction on your part.
Your mood is being affected. Your sleep is (probably) disrupted.
Youāll talk shit to yourself. You wonāt know where you stand sometimes.
Please normalise this process by speaking to (or seeking out) other people who feel similarly. This is not the time to feel lonely, in your unique inability and weakness.Ā While this might not make it easier to go through the ups and downs of emotion, it can help avoid the isolating shame we experience, when we think weāre singularly unable to cope.
A season of uncertainty will often have us so caught up in our own stories (and search for a solution) that we end up spinning round and round in circles.Ā
Hereās my invitation to you: One day at a time, one hour at a time, keep coming out to meet the world. Tentatively, at your own pace, keep coming out to meet the world.
Touch the leaf. Call the friend. Do the gentlest run up the hill that you can stomach.Ā
You donāt need to be spectacular. Maintenance, in this season, is not a consolation prize.
Do your most loving maintenance, and take vitamin D.
Love,
Kathryn
PS. There will be no newsletter next week, as Iāll be on holiday. See you in a few weeks :)
PPS. If youāre looking for a coach to help navigate this next season (work! life! creativity!), consider having a look at my website and if I may be the coach for you. I also love having chats with people to help them get a taste of coaching and decide whether itās the right thing for them or not. So if youāre interested in finding out more, book a free call here.