Ever find yourself on the precipice of a transition?
You know it’s there, you’re walking towards it… and you have only the faintest idea of what happens next?
It can take all our power to resist it.
Why resist? Because we're scared. It's natural.
Because, to ‘let go’ seems far too daunting. Impossible, even.
Our brain tells us there isn't another way. We either ‘surrender to the process’ — which feels a liiittle too much like leaving it to chance — or we try to have as much worked out in our mind as possible.
Either way, we still don’t feel in control. And this is despite our best efforts (!)
What if I told you there could be another way?
What if there’s a way for you to not know exactly what’s in front of you, and still move forward with courage anyway?
Of course, people do this all the time, but we don’t always get to see it — or know how it can be applied to us.
You may in fact be discounting your own courage. (Which is easy to do.)
The thing is, it’s very easy to get lost in this transition.
It’s easy to find yourself moving around in circles, putting your hand up in the fog, unsure if you’ll find anything. It’s easy to double back and question yourself. It's easy to come across questions that feel like echoes of questions you asked yourself six months ago. And it’s hard to know if anything about you has changed.
You need anchor points. You need a way to recognise the threads that are worth following. You need a compass. A sense inside that guides you — and that you can refer back to when you feel yourself getting steered off course. (Which is almost a given.)
There’s a reason journaling is so popular. It helps us see the threads. It helps us turn the questions over in a way that can make them feel easier to get at. (Think tilling over soil rather than aimlessly spinning around in the same place over and over again.)
As for your compass: it’s likely that at some point you’ve been told to mistrust it. Either explicitly, or through experience, you’ve learned to quietly shut away or ignore your intuitions and your guidance.
The good news is, it's still there. The entirely neutral news is that you might need to (re)learn how to trust it.
Learning to bring a sense of trust with me is something that has served me well over the years. It is not a passive experience. I have had to learn.
I am glad I have had to learn. It means I don't think it's something that some of us are blessed with and some of us not.
Each day, without wanting to get too earnest about it, is a tiny, tiny miracle. And each day is filled with tiny, tiny choices. To choose to trust, or not.
Sometimes clients, when we start working together, ask what self-trust feels like.
My answer: I don't know what it feels like for you. You will have to find out.
Of course, I am there to help them!
One thing I believe is that self-trust is not 'one' thing. It is a myriad of sensations and beliefs we hold about ourselves. It is a state of mind and a state of being. It is so many things, it is impossible to put into words.
But it is also specific; to you.
The more you learn to anchor into these feelings of self-trust, the more you trust you know what you're looking for. At the same time, I think you'll also learn to distinguish the subtleties of self-trust — how it feels in different contexts. How self-trust feels in your back, as opposed to your heart, for example.
So, with that in mind, how can you explore and play with self-trust?
Here's some exercises to guide you:
1. Write down what you like about yourself.
(Simple. Easy. Scribble, don't over-think. Or do. Give yourself three minutes. And then give yourself 10 after you've finished. Read over what you’ve written. Take your time to let it soak in what you like about yourself.)
2. Think of a place that feels safe, or calm, or relaxing to you. It doesn’t need to be a real place; it can be purely in your imagination. Somewhere in nature is usually ideal.
Who are you when you’re in this space?
You don’t need to come up with a list of anything. Instead, be with the question. Don’t try to answer it. Just let it be… and float on by you if you like.
3. How do you feel when... ?
How do you feel when you know you are capable?
How do you feel when you are well resourced and have everything you need?
How do you feel when you know you’re supported?
You don’t need to answer any of these questions with words. But I invite you to say in these ‘places’ if your imagination just 5 seconds longer than you would ordinarily.
Conjure up what it feels like — and then stay there for 5 seconds longer than you normally would.
Now, be there for 10 seconds.
Be in that feeling — and if you can, feel it spread through your body.
None of these exercises are meant to be rigorous. But they are meant to focus attention.
Self-trust requires focus and relaxation.
It is also something I believe we can access — rather than having to wait for it to appear.
When you give yourself examples and ways of accessing what self-trust feels like for you, you begin to learn you can access it more readily.
And accessing a state where you feel a sense of relaxation in yourself, where you feel resourced and capable — even if the circumstances around you are not ‘ideal’ — can be really helpful when you’re navigating a period of change in your life.
Sometimes we spend a lot of time looking for frameworks or 'an answer.'
This is not a bad thing. Often we need the information. We need a sense of where we're going.
But what I've found is that all the frameworks and answers in the world won't suffice if we don't trust ourselves to go along with them.
Take even 10% of the brainpower and energy you put towards strategising, and put it towards developing and deepening your relationship with self-trust. It'll be worth it, I promise.
And the beauty is, there is no one way. (It's a good lesson in life!) There are multiple paths and your compass.
You just have to learn to trust it, read it, and let it — you — guide you.
Much love,
Kathryn
PS. If you want a gentle guide in your corner… I invite you to have a look at my coaching package. For people who want more self-trust, more self-acceptance, who are tired of trying to ‘hack’ their way to things but don’t know how to move forward, you are not behind. But you also have some pretty powerful intelligence at your disposal that you are not using. Let’s unlock that. Let’s see if we’re a good fit.