Ever started a year with grand plans and ambitions — to do something, but don't quite know exactly what 'that' is?
It's more common than you think. Sometimes we know we need a change, before we know what that change is.
Which begs the question: How do you go about creating change in your life when you don't know what exactly 'it' is that needs to change?
I guess my first question back to you would be: Well, where do you think you should start?
PS. I don't mean "Where do you think you 'should' start, according to 'what is the most logical step?' or 'what does everyone else say?" but "Where do you think you would start, if you could start anywhere you liked?"
Because 'anywhere you like' is already better than 'I have no idea and it's hopeless.' :)
If you could make a change this year, and you didn't need to know exactly how it started, what would be a guess?
The reason I ask is because we want to take the pressure off. We don't want it to be a big conundrum that feels impossible to solve, where any potential move is 'not the optimum one.'
Instead, we want openness. Curiosity. Safety to have ideas!
Ideas are very hard to come by when we're stuck in 'I don't know, and it's impossible.' So the first step is giving ourselves permission for it not to be right. Instead, we get to be more free than that.
What happens next though? I hear you say ;)
"Can I just keep 'following my curiosity' and see where it leads me? How do I know I won't end up wasting time? How do I know I'll be working on the things that lead me to real, 'proper' change?"
Ever had thoughts like this? ;)
Another question for you: Have you ever been a parent?
I haven't 🙃 But I suspect that part of being a parent is accepting that you don't know what's going to happen... but you accept you'll move forward anyway.
I suspect there's a great deal of hoping and wishing for your child; that things will go well, that you'll nurture them into a wonderful, grown adult being. I suspect you may have ideas... and then you'll course correct depending on what information you get when real life happens.
I suspect you see growth happening in spurts and across different timeframes. I also suspect that most of the time you accept today is the only day you can do your best.
You see where I'm going with this I imagine.
There is no blueprint. There are plans and ideas, and visions far off into the distance. There's also now. Where you decide today what you want to do in order to create change. The 'trick' is to keep weaving these experiences together: what you’re curious about, and what you create right now.
By the way, this stuff isn't easy. It’s really hard to navigate your brain and the changes you want to make, while your brain wants to keep the status quo. (It want us to be safe! And therefore, status quo is predictable, easy to understand! The future, who knows what happens there, but I don’t like that unfamiliarity one bit!)
Your brain is probably (almost certainly) going to freak out when it comes to taking the steps towards long lasting, sustained change. That’s part of the process.
And if you don’t quite 'trust the process' yet, this makes sense. It's not our fault if we don't quite trust ourselves. We are born into a society that teaches us—deeply—not to trust our own experience. Undoing that, and learning to trust ourselves, takes time.
If you could trust, what would that change for you?
(And if you have any inkling of an idea, that's probably a great place to start.)
PS. If you have ideas and thoughts about what you want to change, but don't know if it's possible... and you'd love to be able to talk it through with someone and find out if it is possible and what you can do about it... I’d love to help.
Book a call to talk it through.
The catch is, you may want to end up working together. Because you know, you want to create a big ol' change this year ;) I'm not sorry for this, but also, I won't make it very hard for you. Come have a chat, and no pressure, let's work out what the best plan of action is for you :)
PPS. Wanna check out my coaching page on what you get working with me? You can do that here.
Kathryn