Cancelled plans

What to do when you find yourself with unexpected time.

PS. I like you is a newsletter for creative humans with self-doubt. Expect questions (and maybe some answers!) to help with living a creative and satisfying life 🌿

photo: studiogently

When your plans are disrupted, what do you do?

What do you notice about yourself?

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I used to find last-minute changes (cancellations in particular) extremely discombobulating.

It was the time. The sudden, free time, that I hadn’t accounted for.

It felt like a black hole—a void—had suddenly opened up before me. And I was standing at the precipice, trying to resist being sucked in.

(Why yes, our minds are dramatic!)

It felt like lack of control. And while some of us are very good at filling that time (perhaps to avoid the discomfort?), I was one of those that tended to get sucked into an existential spin.

I say like this is all in the past. I am definitely still prone to an existential spin.

But now, I have better coping mechanisms.

Noticing! Is the first part of the battle.

Not beating yourself up! Is the second.

Then, I suggest, a grounding practice. Whatever makes you feel grounded, or more relaxed within your body.

(These are all just tips; but if you’re feeling uptight or stressed, then move, shake, jump, dance, etc., to get the energy out of your body. Have a shower afterwards. Cold or hot; whatever will help you feel calm and maybe a sense of resolution.)

Then—and this is very important—DO NOT TRY TO OPTIMISE THE TIME.

Do not try to fill this new-found time with all the things your brain tells you you should be doing.

(Unless you have something in mind you really want to do, and you have good feelings about it. In those cases, crack on.)

Trying to ‘optimise’ your time, particularly when you’re feeling unprepared, will only send you back into the stress-cycle. (Which you just worked so hard to get out of.)

Instead... take a moment. Don't panic.

If all you do is go through a cycle of noticing your own fears and reactions, and then noticing how you regulate yourself (or simply being with the discomfort), you will have used your time extremely wisely.

Noticing your own reactions, and becoming curious about our responses, is one of the best uses of your time. I promise.

Because this allows you to be aware. And awareness allows you to choose (or be intentional with) your responses.

You will make different choices to the ones you make when you're stressed. And usually, those choices are more helpful to you in the long run.

And then! Then you can choose what to do next.

Au revoir et bonne chance :)
Kathryn

PS. If you have something on your mind and you’d like to talk it through with someone, maybe a chat with a life coach could help? I specialise in creating space and questions to help people find their own answers. I will offer support and gentle guidance, in service of your thinking and getting the result you want.

This is entirely free — you are welcome to sign up here.