Ambiguity, practice, procrastination
On not knowing what to do and starting from there
PS. I like you is a free weekly(ish) newsletter for people who procrastinate.
WHY WE DON’T DO THE THINGS WE SAY WANT TO DO
Because we don’t know how to do them. So we put it off.
Because it — the idea of doing it — scares us.
Because it — the thought of having it — scares us.
Because sometimes we change our mind and don’t want it anymore.
Because we’re not sure what would happen if we had it or we did it, and what that would say about us. (Same as points 2 and 3 but more articulated uncertainty.)
The reasons are myriad.
Sometimes I put off writing this newsletter because I don’t know where to start. Or I don’t know what I’m meant to write.
I know I’m meant to write a newsletter, but I don’t know what I’m meant to do.
When we don’t know what we’re supposed to do, we tend not to do it.
When I don’t know the scope of what I’m meant to do, and when I can’t see the place where I’m supposed to be going… all things grid to a halt.
I don’t have a plan. I don’t have a suggestion. I don’t have an understanding of a way forward.
Sounds obvious. But how many times do you find yourself with the vague sense you’re supposed to be doing something — and not quite sure of how you’re supposed to be going about doing it?
Surprisingly often, in my case.
When you work for yourself this is a very easy situation to find yourself in. When you have a lot of time to do as your wish, you tend to find it bleeds.
Not that I’m complaining at all; but extra time can make for extra procrastination.
And procrastination can mean we find ourselves very upset and annoyed. For no other reason than we should know better.
Should you, though?
I would say that it is this ‘knowing’ — that there is a very big and complex task at hand (regardless of whether it is actually very big and complex; our brains have told us it is very big and complex) — that keeps us stuck.
I would say that knowing a big, and scary, and VAGUE and ambiguous task lies at hand, is the thing that makes us very uninterested in tackling said task.
Which makes building a business hard, btw.
What we want is a container.
A place or structure to find ourselves in — so that we can see the outlines of what we’re meant to do.
We want the stepping stones. The way laid out for us. Guide rails that tell us where we’re meant to go.
The problem is there are no such guide rails.
Sure, there were in school. There were in a corporate environment. There were in many places and situations we found ourselves in.
But not here now. Not when you want to create something new. Not when you want to change your life, change your work, or change everything you knew about you.
I have always been extremely poor at visioning.
It’s just not my jam.
I used to tell myself I lacked imagination. If only I was trying harder or doing it differently — then I’d know what I want. It would come to me clear as day.
Except, it never has.
Don’t get me wrong; I have ideas. I have a sense. I have a smell for the direction I want to go.
And what I have learned is that I do not have to have it all figured out — I do not need a 20/20 vision of ‘my perfect day.’
I just need a feeling, an idea. Enough that I would say to myself, “Yes, this feels like it.”
It only needs to be clear enough that you would know the result if you had it.
Which is all very well for knowing where to go… But where to start?
The (maddening) answer is that it often doesn’t matter. With a big and multi-faceted project, you don’t have a ‘right first step.’ You just need to find a step.
And then another. And another.
Oh, and by ‘find,’ I mean ‘create.’
You create a step. You choose something and declare, “I’ll begin here.”
And then you keep going.
This is how all my projects get done.
When I write this newsletter I do not start with a vision of what it will look like fully formed.
I start with an idea, a topic, a small truth.
I go from there.
And I trust I will see it through.
It is small actions. It is often *not* thinking about the larger task at hand. It is decidedly not looking ahead to the bigger picture — of how this fits in with my life or my business.
It is only a small task. And that task is to write a sentence. Get a thought down. Nothing else beyond that.
If you’re anything like me you’re good at seeing the bigger picture. You see how everything connects and how everything could be connected.
This is a blessing in many ways. But if you want to do the work in front of you, it can be a bit of a curse.
The key is switching. Back and forth. Between the part of you that sees how everything is connected, and the part of you that can focus on this very small task at hand.
Break it down, if you must — and then forget about it.
Don’t think ahead. Don’t plan further than you need to.
You have an agile brain. But we all need to practise.
Here’s to your practice. Our practice. Making the things we don’t always know how to do, but choosing to make them anyway.
Starting off here.
Love,
Kathryn.
PS. I like you.
And I learnt how to make playlists in Spotify even though I don’t pay for it. Woohoo PlAYLISTs!
PPS. One more chance to grab a free, not-my-birthday coaching session… As a reminder, here’s a quick rundown:
You get a free coaching session. (Up to 90 mins.) On any topic.
Just because; it’s not my birthday, and I love coaching. If you love coaching too, or have no idea and are just intrigued or curious, then excellent — let’s coach together!
To get a free session, just fill out this form. It takes 10 seconds. (Because it’s literally just your name and email.)
By the end our time together you will feel more peaceful, more at ease with yourself, and ready to move forward with a renewed intention. You will feel more coherent and aligned with yourself, and the work you want to do.
So, if you’re interested, fill out this form, and I look forward to coaching together.
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Reading this just after a day of procrastination and a sleepy morning of 'not getting on with things like I should be'. Thank you!