10 books for when you're in a mental health spiral

Memoirs and helpful explanations as to why depression is not your fault (!)

Fresco, Pompeii

I was recently asked what books I would recommend for someone going through a mental health spiral. The reason I was asked is because I’d volunteered that when I’m going through my own spiral — usually depression related — it helps to read accounts of others going through their own spirals.

It occurred to me that others might find a list like this useful, so I’m sharing it here today. 

One thing I will say is that my list is made up not just of people going through spirals, but also books that offer an explanation as to why we go through spirals. My list is personal and in no way exhaustive. It’s really a collection of books that have offered me comfort in times of depression and uncertainty. I hope there is something in here for you too.

If nothing else — and some of these books have been most invaluable — they have taught me that I am not alone. And that is something we all need to hear from time to time, regardless whether we’re currently in a spiral or not.

So, for your consideration!

1. The Depths: The Evolutionary Origins of the Depression Epidemic, by Jonathan Rottenberg

This is probably the book I would recommend first for anyone who wants to get a handle on ‘why they can’t get a grip and just shake themselves out of it.’ Here, Rottenberg explains depression in evolutionary terms; why it was advantageous in certain circumstances, and how this biological adaptation is definitely not your fault.

“In humans the value of low mood is put to the fullest test when people face serious situations in which immediate problems need to be carefully assessed. We might think of the groom who is left at the altar, the loyal employee who is suddenly fired from his job, or the death of a child. If we had to find a unifying function for low mood across these diverse situations, it would be that of an emotional cocoon, a space to pause and analyze what has gone wrong. In this mode, we will stop what we are doing, assess the situation, draw in others, and, if necessary, change course.”

“The mood system that we share with our fellow mammals remains exquisitely sensitive to any social loss that may imperil survival or threaten our life plan.”

2. The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression, by Andrew Solomon

This is a personal account of depression, and a wider inquiry into mental illness. It’s probably perfect if you want to be drawn into the experience, but also zoom out for a wider context. It is extensive and beautifully written.

“When you’re so far down that love seems almost meaningless, vanity and a sense of obligation can save your life.”

3. When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times, by Pema Chödrön

A collection of talks by the American Tibetan-Buddhist Pema Chödrön. Does what it says on the tin.

“When we think that something is going to bring us pleasure, we don’t know what’s really going to happen. When we think something is going to give us misery, we don’t know. Letting there be room for not knowing is the most important thing of all. We try to do what we think is going to help. But we don’t know. We never know if we’re going to fall flat or sit up tall. When there’s a big disappointment, we don’t know if that’s the end of the story. It may be just the beginning of a great adventure.”

“Life is like that. We don’t know anything. We call something bad; we call it good. But really we just don’t know.”

4. Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation, by Parker J. Palmer

Practically any list I compile about books is going to include this one. I can’t help it; it’s amazingly peaceful and I can’t recommend it enough. It also contains a personal account of depression, and offers so many beautiful nature metaphors.

“I thought I had developed a unique and terminal case of failure. I did not realize that I had merely embarked on a journey toward joining the human race.”

“Seasons is a wise metaphor for the movement of life, I think. It suggests that life is neither a battlefield nor a game of chance but something infinitely richer, more promising, more real. The notion that our lives are like the eternal cycle of the seasons does not deny the struggle or the joy, the loss or the gain, the darkness or the light, but encourages us to embrace it all-and to find in all of it opportunities for growth.”

5. Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression - and the Unexpected Solutions, by Johann Hari

I read this I think around the same time as I read The Depths. I wanted a wider, cultural-phenomenon-context kind of book, and this delivers. It’s pretty poppy, and/but therefore very readable.

“Somebody once told me that giving a person a story about why they are in pain is one of the most powerful things you can ever do.”

“Disempowerment,” Michael told me, “is at the heart of poor health”—physical, mental, and emotional.”

6. Already Free: Buddhism Meets Psychotherapy on the Path of Liberation, by Bruce Tift

This is more a practical tools kind of book. Bruce Tift takes the ‘meaning-making focus’ of western therapy and melds it with the ‘presence focus’ of Buddhism. (Yes, I am grossly over-simplifying, but this is it in a nutshell.)

Personally, I appreciated his account of how, in childhood, we develop self-protection mechanisms that (might) cause us bother later down the line. You have likely already heard a variation on this before, but sometimes it helps to hear it from more than one perspective.

“One of the fundamental ways in which we protect ourselves as infants and children is to do our best to not have to consciously participate in what is most terrifying or overwhelming. We learn to train our attention to ignore what we don’t know how to handle. Out of sight, out of mind. So we divide ourselves into parts that are “safe” to experience and those that are “unsafe.” This defense mechanism is the beginning of what we term neurotic organization, or neurosis.”

“The very success of our effort to protect ourselves leads inevitably to an experience of feeling divided against ourselves and separate from the world. We feel alienated from life. We also become distrustful of it, because of course life is unpredictable, and it may, at any moment, cause us to feel those feelings we’re doing everything to avoid.”

“…most of us actually have an investment in making ourselves the problem. ‘If I’m the problem, then that explains why my parents are not loving me as I need to be loved. If I just fix what’s wrong with me, they’ll show up. They will be there for me.’” 

7. Reasons to Stay Alive, by Matt Haig

A very personal memoir of being with depression. Punchy and gut-wrenching at times. Very honest, and extremely relatable if you have ever suffered from depression.

“I can remember being stunned that I was still alive. I know that sounds melodramatic, but depression and panic only give you melodramatic thoughts to play with.”

Also, I think this is one of the best metaphors I’ve ever come across to explain to people what depression + anxiety feels like:

“If you have depression on its own your mind sinks into a swamp and loses momentum, but with anxiety in the cocktail, the swamp is still a swamp but the swamp now has whirlpools in it.”

8. The Spiral Staircase: My Climb Out of Darkness, by Karen Armstrong

So this one, I read a very long time ago, and I don’t remember most of it. But I did highlight a lot of passages, so I obviously took something from it.

“I toiled round and round in pointless circles, covering the same ground, repeating the same mistakes, quite unable to see where I was going. Yet all the time, without realizing it, I was slowly climbing out of the darkness.”

9. Wild: A Journey from Lost to Found, by Cheryl Strayed

On a day I couldn’t do anything but walk a few hundred yards, I curled up in bed and read this book. It was the companion I needed.

“I'd finally come to understand what it had been: a yearning for a way out, when actually what I had wanted to find was a way in.”

10. Overcoming Depression, by Paul Gilbert

So, I decided to change my last choice, because I suddenly remembered a talk I watched years ago that really helped re-frame depression as an evolutionary-biological mechanism. It was actually the talk that had more of an effect on me than Paul Gilbert’s books — so I have included references to both, just in case this hits you at the right time.

Watch the lecture here: Evolution & Compassion Focused Therapy – Professor Paul Gilbert

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I hope this list was useful, and if you have any recommendations yourself, I’d love to know!

Much love,
Kathryn